The Wall

‘I’ve built a wall not to block anyone out, but to see who loves me enough to climb it.’ - My shout out in friendster and apparently it caught someone’s attention.

I’ve been told a few times that I have built a wall around myself… I guess it’s true, but can you blame me?! I now find it hard to open up to people, especially men… to trust them which then makes some of them think that I’m a heartless, selfish person, which of course I’m not… I think… =S

Anyways, I have this really good male friend in Canada, Mister C, who I’ve known for like forever. When we were younger, Mister C had a ‘thing’ for me but we’d just joke about it. We have this ‘special’ relationship and we’d tell each other about what’s going on in our lives.

Lately, Mister C and I have been talking everyday… talking about silly stuff and issues that we currently have. Yesterday, he asked why ‘my wall’ was built so high and asked if it was alright if he tried to climb it. I was like ‘Go ahead, but I’m not making it any easier for you just because we’ve known each other forever!’

For the past few months I’ve had a few male friends who tried to climb that wall, but they just find it a really tricky task. They say that I’m very unpredictable and it’s really difficult for them to know when I’m serious or not. I guess it’s coz I don’t wanna take everything they say seriously and in the end just get hurt. I know… I need to loosen up! My friends tell me that all the time!

Oh well… I’m patiently waiting for the time when the wall crumbles down, but I suspect that one would need a one of a kind bulldozer to succeed! :)